baths

from baby blue by ella ruby

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about

// coming to terms with the magnificent fragility of my own body alongside a deep-seated and unabashedly naive longing for a return to comfort in myself and in relationship with others. a beginning, an urge to grow that's tethered to a fear of growing too far beyond myself. going back and forward and back again only to find myself in the sharp, uncomfortable physicality made recognizable only in letting go. might it simply be enough to hold and be held? //

lyrics

pieces of me floating through the bath, i wonder if they recognize me
making tiny waves with both my hands i try and usher them inside me
i know i keep telling you to leave, would you consider going back on words to be some sort of crime?
god i know i’m flawed but i feel so much safer knowing that i’m yours and you’re longing to be mine

i wish i could wash down the drain
mix in with the gutters and the rain

if i were a flower i’d unfurl so slow you’d never see my petals
if i were a fighter i’d be quite hard-pressed to prove that i had mettle
i am not a flower but i’m dying to bloom and spread my whirling twirling seed throughout the yard
i am not a fighter but i’m telling you that if you asked me kindly i would push and i’d push hard

if i went to sleep beneath the ground
could you promise me that i’d be found?

baths and gardens overflow, my trembling hands are unable to capture
quiet nights and pillow fights, i’ll braid your hair if you braid my hair after
won’t you tell me that i can be anything, this fickle feeble frame is sprouting lies out of both ends
if i could do anything i’d sing for you, and breathe for you, and never put my lovers before friends

i am sick and tired of running wild
hold me like i know i’ll hold my child

credits

from baby blue, track released April 12, 2022
Produced, Recorded, and Mixed by Jon O’Brien at The Music Box Studios, Idyllwild CA // Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova at Bova Lab Studio, Ottawa Canada // Vocals: Ella Ruby Scudder-Davis // Backup Vocals: Grace Freeman; Ella Ruby Scudder-Davis // Guitar: Ella Ruby Scudder-Davis; Eric Cannata // Artwork: Ella Ruby Scudder-Davis

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ella ruby Seattle, Washington

hi hello my name is ella ruby and I'm a queer indie-folk artist. these songs are my heart! thank you for being here 🦆

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