1. |
last year
03:25
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this time last year
your voice cemented in my ear
i've dreamt of you each night this week
oh your fingers and your skin
the feel, the taste of you again
you only come for me in my dreams
lazy baby,
your throat against my tongue
getting off from how our hearts would beat in time
stupid, maybe
the ache of being young
i forget the way it felt when you were mine
this time last year
your pretty words assuaged my fear
we huddled close against the phone
oh your smile, and your laugh
the thought that i'd get you like that
kept me from desperately alone
gentle baby,
your fingers on my lips
marveling how soft my mouth got when I cried
treasured safety
your hands guiding my hips
i forget the way you'd moan that you were mine
oh i've had enough this year
you're gone and so are all my tears
you gotta stay out of my dreams
oh your warmth and your smell
subconscious missing you like hell
god i don't wanna fall asleep
stubborn baby,
your arms around my waist
moving slow with your hot breath along my spine
fucking crazy
all the time i waste
to forget the way i felt when you were mine
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2. |
baths
03:55
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pieces of me floating through the bath, i wonder if they recognize me
making tiny waves with both my hands i try and usher them inside me
i know i keep telling you to leave, would you consider going back on words to be some sort of crime?
god i know i’m flawed but i feel so much safer knowing that i’m yours and you’re longing to be mine
i wish i could wash down the drain
mix in with the gutters and the rain
if i were a flower i’d unfurl so slow you’d never see my petals
if i were a fighter i’d be quite hard-pressed to prove that i had mettle
i am not a flower but i’m dying to bloom and spread my whirling twirling seed throughout the yard
i am not a fighter but i’m telling you that if you asked me kindly i would push and i’d push hard
if i went to sleep beneath the ground
could you promise me that i’d be found?
baths and gardens overflow, my trembling hands are unable to capture
quiet nights and pillow fights, i’ll braid your hair if you braid my hair after
won’t you tell me that i can be anything, this fickle feeble frame is sprouting lies out of both ends
if i could do anything i’d sing for you, and breathe for you, and never put my lovers before friends
i am sick and tired of running wild
hold me like i know i’ll hold my child
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3. |
in my car
03:30
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i bought this car with all my savings
i outfit it like a home
I carry my books with me
lightning thief and charlie bone
and in my glove compartment
registration by its side
a bottle of my favorite lotion
mint, lavender, and thyme
in my car my body is mine
i bought this car with all my savings
i keep some firewood in my trunk
a box of matches and newspapers
in case I break down in the dark
an extra gallon of water
a couple blankets, folded square
the seventh book of harry potter
i would say i come prepared
in my car my body is mine
but as it turns out, not all of the time
i bought this car with all my savings
i love it like i love myself
it gave me a sense of safety
to think that I could lock things out
in my car my body was mine
but as it turned out, not all of the time.
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4. |
l.a. lover
03:40
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i love the version of you living in my head
her smile’s just like yours, leaves me blinded
she holds me closely tracing sweetness on my lips
skin is warm where we kiss, soft and silent
she lets me be
all that i need
she lets me in and she lets me go
me and her go wild and drive all down the coast
we are salty, caked in sand and we don’t mind it
we build campfires and we make love in the car
i’m a big truck kind of woman, i’ve decided
she lets me be
all that i need
she lets me in and she lets me go
she lets me go
when we reach la we plant seeds in the yard
we both dream that we’ll grow herbs, green and vibrant
when we dance she puts her hands upon my hips
this is love, isn’t it, did i find it
she lets me be
all that i need
she lets me in and she lets me go
she lets me go
i love the version of you living in my head
i am hoping that i live in yours like that
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5. |
arbors
04:30
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i like to call in the mornings, sleep passing slow
i like to hear your breathing, heavy and low
in my mind is a field made up of dreams
softest grass and arbors of apple trees
here i was made for you
far above the sea i found darkness inside of me
fearful and free, as untethered as i could be
in this space, i was floating higher than air
all out of place but i found that i couldn’t care
here i was made for you
where is my field of dreams i almost need to give up
i am empty endlessly but maybe i am enough
i’m enough
i find my peace with dirt and clay in my nails
shameless ease in mornings eager and pale
in my dreams i know darkness softness and light
would you believe i’m no longer scared of the night?
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ella ruby Seattle, Washington
hi hello my name is ella ruby and I'm a queer indie-folk artist. these songs are my heart! thank you for being here 🦆
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